I will post back on this blog every month on her Gotcha date- with pictures and her new accomplishments until we hit a year. That is when I plan to stop this completely and publish a book of the entries for Charlotte and our family.
For those that requested membership- I am adding you tonight.
So it seems appropriate as I wrap this down by writing about the new future we hope our girl will take.
In her referral (done at an early age - 18 months) her eye issues were present. They are what made her special needs. So that means, most likely (although we will never know for sure) that they were present at birth. Since our optomologist suggested poor pre-natal diet as a cause- this makes sense.
Her prescription was almost a -6 for nearsightedness (meaning she can't see far away). I am a -3.25 nearsightedness. Without my glasses, I can not see anything. I can not imagine how she went through life with a -6. It most likly explains her language delay as well (how can you relate words to a visual cue if you can't SEE it).
Little Miss got her glasses last Friday.
She's got a whole new world to explore.
In so many ways, her life opens up now.....
I can't imagine what it is for her to not see anything & suddenly see so much more.
It is so much my hope that she can now begin to experience and SEE life through the eyes of a child. Through not being in an orpahange. And not limited by poor vision.
That is my hope for her. A childhood.
That being said- this past week I can sum up my thoughts in one word. Defeated.
It was a hard week.
Between Sarah and Charlie- every day, every hour, every minute...was hard. Charlie reverted to newborn sleep patterns- leaving me immobilized with fatigue...and much less patience.
Sarah is fighting for control over EVERY. LITTLE. THING. and then vacillitating back to tears and hurt at feeling displaced. I never know what any second will bring with her. We can make special time with her to be rebuffed, rejected & have angry words thrown at us. I can hug her to have a back turned. She will willfully disobey everything we ask. She's bouncing off walls. She's trying to control all our actions. We are trying to work with her. But we are also tired.
Draining. Defeated.
Charlie has been with us for almost 7 weeks. 7 weeks. She has yet to call us mama or daddy (unless it's repeating us directly- does not count). She is having problems putting names to people. Is this normal with an oprhanage? Doesn't seem to be- to at least recognize that my name is 'mama' (even though I know it's normal to not know what a mama MEANS).
And when you put a lot of effort, loss of sleep, frustration at language, frustration with fits...without even a glimpse of a small measure of return. A word. Mama. Directed to me. Recognize me. It's hard.
Draining. Defeated.
Then there's Becca. She who requires the least. And so she who is getting the least. Which plays so much to my guilt factor. She needs more of us too.
Draining. Defeated.
Oh, we do have our shining moments. Good ones. Smiles, laughter.... Times where it seems 'right'. I know we'll see more of those as we continue onwards down this path.
As several other adoptive parents have said before us.... "The first six months pretty much suck" as everyone finds their new normal.
We'll get there. One day. One hour. One minute at a time.
It would be nice if more of those minutes were filled with sleep however. Oh sleep.... how I miss thee...
(Side note- we are attempting to co-sleep with her again shortly...and we are doing so by purchasing a king bed... overdue anyways since we usually have a kid or two and several animals in it anyways..plus our old bed was 12 years old...I am very excited....)
A few quick thank yous.
Thank you to Amy T. if you are reading this... taking over many of the GS shiz I do in the fall...VERY appreciated.....
Thank you to those who made me dinner over the past few weeks. They are the only home cook meals we've had... Maria, Julie & Amy M! They are were all so delicious! Thank you, thank you!!
The gifts that I've been very sucky at getting thank you notes out for. Aunt Beth for the flowers & scroll, Aunt Glory for the blanket, Kristen for the book (she LOVES it) and movie, Julie for the shoes (Becca still won't shut up about them), Aunt Pat for the little blanket, Jen for the book, baby & Precious Moments figure...... if I forgot you.. I'm sorry- not intentional!
To Sandy- this book...
Seriously awesome. I am and have always been forever a lover of the written word. I could lose myself in a book store or library for months & be perfecty happy. My favorite place growing up was when my dad took me to the King's bookstore in Detroit where we spent all day wandering the old used books. I loved it. The memories it still invokes.
One of my current prized possesions happens to be three very old books that belonged to Grandma Daisy. The one being the Atlas she won in the spelling bee (oh, the irony is not lost on me) engraved with her name. It sits proudly in my living room. Along with her 2nd grade reader & her college biology book that she loved so much.
The book you sent, will join it. It will not belong to me- rather Charlie. But it will be cherished. It's old pages loved by your dad, will be loved by us! I am so, so touched by the gift. Thank you!
(For those that wonder- it's an old book owned by my Great Uncle Clarence (my grandfather's brother) it is a book of Chinese poetry, complete with beautiful watercolor pictures... circulated a very long time ago).
Lastly, ( I feel like I'm accepting an award for an Oscar here), the biggest thank you to my mother. I COULD NOT HAVE SURVIVED THE LAST 2 MONTHS WITHOUT YOU. Thank you a million times over for everything. For watching my kids while we were in China, for helping out at my house with cleaning, cooking and shopping, for checking in to making sure I'm doing ok, to giving up time at your beloved Northwoods to be with me becasue I needed it.... to making the beautiful quilt of wishes for Charlie, for the love we all felt with all your actions.
I love you. Thank you. All of us are so very lucky.
With that, my Oscar speech is over. And I'm moving over to the other blog!
Over and out. For almost the final time. :)
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