One Month

Today is the one month anniversary of our Gotcha Day.

One month we've had this little imp in our lives.   Sometimes it seems as though she's been here so much longer and other days it seems like we just had her placed in our arms.

One month ago today- Meifang came to us with her too big dress, too big shoes & some rockin' bear socks. (knew she belonged in our family when she came to us in those socks!).

She was a brave soul as her life as she knew it got totally flipped upside down with little understanding of why.

She marched forward and determined to take each day as it came...

And face it with determination and acceptance.  How a little girl can take so much and still come out the other side with her giggle that knocks your socks off- I'll never know.

I've known her a month.  And I'm pretty sure she's the bravest person I know and will ever know.

One month in our family.

A month ago she wouldn't get off the bed in our hotel room.  Or initiate doing anything.  Right now, she's running around imitating her big sister's voice with a doll as mom & I laugh hysterically at it... and calling for "Sarah". 

A month ago she'd never played in a bathtub, splashed, ran on grass with bare feet, climbed stairs, fall down and giggle for no reason or ask for food and get it.  Today, she does this all. 

A month ago, no one ever asked her to speak back to them.  She only did what she was told.  Today she's saying more and more words in English and is asking for things.  And telling us what she likes and doesn't like.

A month ago she rocked herself to sleep with no one to care if she was scared, hurt, happy or sick.  Today mommy brushes her teach & reads her a story as we cuddle down to try to go to sleep.  There is very little crying at night going to sleep now (although still crying/rocking if she wakes up disoriented).

A month ago she was a number in a system.  Today she's our daughter, sister, granddaughter, niece and friend.

She's come so far.  And we can't wait to see her go farther.   Happy one month Charlie Meifang.

My dear friends Julie and Lynne made the family an awesome 1st month anniversary dinner & we got the pleasure of some great company tonight.    Thank you!!! 

They also introduced yet another favorite halloween treat in our household to Charlie girl.

Yhea, she pretty much loved it.

Stuffing her face with candy......

Asking for more....

Yup.  She's fitting right into the folds of our family!

Notice how she's even picking up Sarah's food on the face 'style'?

Happy one month gotcha anniversary Charlie Girl.

Medical Stuff. And Pez.

First off, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be switching back to my private blog shortly.....  so for anyone who wants to keep following our journey, shoot me an email with your email to add you to it. 

So medical stuff....

So not so long ago in the distant past- China was the 'it' happening place for your young baby daughter to be matched to you and come home.  Thousands and thousands and thousands of beautiful little girls found their forever homes over the years.

But then, in the magical land of all things controlled by the government, the country realized they were getting a bad rap for having their number one export be children.  And literally overnight, all the healthy baby girls were no longer available.    You know, not because they don't exist, but because China doesn't want a bad rap. 

I will say, that SLOWLY China is starting to change.   That they are starting to realize that maybe forced abortion, penatlties for more than one kid & the devaluation of girls isn't such a hot thing.  Well, ok, let's be fair..... they are starting to get a bad rap for it....and China wants the whole world to think they are wonderful.  So slowly things are starting to change where Chinese citizens ARE keeping their 2nd, 3rd child- even if they are all girls.  This is a good thing & I hope that the Chinese governement will encourage this movement.  

So all the healthy little baby girls are no longer made available for adoption.  Many have been fostered out in China (again, a good thing...keeping them in their culture).  Some have made up needs to be made paper ready for adoptions.  Some are being adopted by Chinese citizens.   So pretty much since 2007, 95% of adoptions coming out of China are considered 'special needs'.  Meaning there is some sort of medical need. 

There are a lot of these beautiful children in Chinese orphanages unfortuently.  Because, as you can imagine, a culture that considers female to be a deteriment... sees little value in a child with a special need.  They are considered extremely unlucky and most have no future in Chinese society.  You can see this wherever you go in China.  You don't see children with disablitiles anywhere.  The adults with them- are on the streets.   Value is placed on the child who can perform the best.  Be the best.  And make the best money to then take care of their parents in the older years.  It is the culutre there. The 'special need' becomes their face instead of child behind it.

Why the long explanation- I don't know.  Perhaps so people understand it more.  Because I saw all these beautiful little faces while in China during our last leg, where all the adoptive familes come together to finish up US paperwork.  I saw the kids.  And not the needs.   You see the smile.  You see the bright eyes...you hear the laughter.  You hear the cries. You see the CHILD.  Not the need.  And your heart hurts a bit for all the little kids over there not getting the chance to BE a child in a family.

I love that when people see Charlie they say... "oh, what special need".  I hope and pray that we can give her THE BEST medical care so she can say 'what special need?'.  I hope that even if we can't fix it, that we help her adapt to it & show the world what perservance means...and again, we can say "what special need, all I see is Charlie!" or "I am awesome just the way I am".  

Cuz she is pretty awesome.  (and pretty stubborn & spicy & sweet and man she has a giggle that can knock your socks off!)

So the special need is her vision.   Or as it states in her referral "cloudiness of the corneas".  Well, from the second we got her we knew she could see pretty darn well.  She can find a freaking crumb of food from across the room! 

So the last week has been different doctors & labs and all that fun stuff.  Poor girl had 14 vials of blood taken from her to check for every disease, body function,  and parasite possible.  

The totally sweet and awesome news on that is she is GREAT!!!  No diseases (in case you were wondering if you might catch Hepatites, HIV or TB from her).   No parasites (amen!).  Iron levels good (thank goodness since they took 14 vials of blood from her),  Lead- none! (always a concern wtih China).  She's healthy as healthy can get coming from an international orphanage.

The orphanage may have sucked in so many ways (that we will spend YEARS undoing the damage) but at least they took good physical care of her.  That I will give them.  Thank you for that.

Then we moved on to pediatric eye doctors.   The first one wasn't sure what was going on..and threw out 'glacoma, cataracts & genetic syndromes".   I, of course, came home and googled every single genetic disease I could find that involved the eye.  Becasue that's how I work.

Truth was, outside the eyes, she wasn't meeting any of the other criteria.  The other doctor referred us to the specialist in the office.    So we had another doctor appointment.

This doc was great- great with Charlie.  Great with her knowledge.  And great with the diagnosis she shared with us....

Now, I will preface, we don't know FOR SURE if this is correct- only time will tell... but the GREAT news is it's not glacoma..and it's not cataracts because she can see through them.  Which  means, no surgery in the immediate future.  She thinks the problem was/is poor pre-natal nutrition & subsequent nutrition from the orphanage.   And the fact that she squints and has a bit of nystagmas (where the eye goes back and forth crazy like) is the fact that she has like a -6 nearsigntness in the left eye and a -2 in the right.  Um, I have -4 and I can tell you I can't see crap without my glasses. 

Her advice.  Glasses.  And a re-check. 

Whoopie!!!!  We can do that!! And we have.  Little miss has her first pair of eyeglasses being made as we speak!  I hope that once we get them- her world will open up!  I can't wait to watch it happen.

And that is our medical stuff & the background of the history of adoption in China.  In case you were wondering about either!  Ha!

Now, enough of the words & on to some updates & pictures!!!

Little Miss is having a good week.  Her sleeping still sucks balls, but I gotta accept that and not expect that to change.  Truth is- night & dark & sleep is scary when your whole world has changed. 

Remind me of that on  those mornings when I've had no sleep.

Let's see...

Words she's picking up and using:  "No, Yes, Shoes On, Shoes Off, More, Eat, Juice, Sit Down (to Sarah), Fish, Dog, Potty (now to get her to USE it- that's next weeks agenda!), Hi, Hello, Ba Bye, Up, Down, Shake, Smile, Flower, Splish Splash.

Things she's doing:  "Up and down the stairs (shh, don't tell DCFS we had a tumble from the top to bottom during stair training...she survived!).  Swinging.  Drinking out of a sippy, doing puzzles, learning to color, playing doll, telling Sarah NO!, riding in car seats, eating at sit down resturants without freaking out, walking while holding mom's hand, more eye contact (this is SO important to establish trust & attachment), letting mama bathe her (instead of trying to do it herself).

Stuff we need to work on:   Less fits when told No.  Doing anything without holding crap in her hands (her treasures as we call them).  The potty.  Sleep (please?!).   Who Mama and Daddy are (she has no reference at all to even try to put in context..she's ONLY had caregivers that come and go...what does she know of a mom and a dad and family?!).

So that's the update on the girl.  Now pictures, pictures.

So today we played outside a bit.  She had her backpack of treasures which we are trying to substite for her carrying everything around in her hands.  It's not working well.

 Lots of squinting outside because she's had her eyes dilated twice this week! 

We cleaned the patio door of dog smudges. 

And she's checking out if there is good stuff inside....

All while holding her treasured ketchup bottle.

Then my doorbell rang.  And what an awesome surprise...

Beautiful flowers from Aunt Beth and Uncle Will- THANK YOU! 

Then we went shopping at Joann's.  And the girl got two awesome American staples that are present in the Herman household.   Her very first pair of Halloween socks (oh, Julie, I am training her EARLY!!!) (P.S- she picked ghosts).  And her very first Pez dispenser.  With a pumpkin on it.

Dude, she needs to learn that in this household, Halloween rocks!  Mama loves her Halloween holiday!

Man oh man, was this girl EXCITED with her first Pez dispenser. 

So was her sister.  Who is always excited with candy.

 ANd I supposed I should get off the computer- because she's running around calling Sarah "Ayi" (caregiver).  

And that's because Sarah's holding the Pez refills. 

Little Miss.  With a killer smile!  She's gonna make people melt with it!

Everyday...Something New.....

That has been our mantra the past week.

Each and every day Charlie girl is learning and discovering something new.

It's kinda amazing to watch when you arn't suffering from jetlag (which I think we are FINALLY all getting past).

Charlie came to us having spent most of her 4 years locked inside a room (crib) and sent to follow strict schedules of mealtimes, self-care & bedtimes.  No one ever soothed her at night.  That is incredibly evident in her distress on going to bed- the rocking, the sucking of her sleeves- all because no one ever held her.  

Now someone does.  It's a new experience for her too- learning to let someone hold you when you never had it.

She's soaking it in one minute, then pushing away the next.  Trying to figure it all out.  But figuring it out she is......

And she is coming so far.....

She's got a big sister who adores her (most of the time, when she's not suffering from the effects of losing the baby title)...

Matching jammies? I think so...

Three weeks ago, Charlie girl wouldn't walk anywhere.  Or be put in a stroller. 

Grass terrified her.  Yhea.... look at her now.....

BARE FEET, none the less...

Remember our struggle to find a drink for her?  Ok.  It's still a struggle as all she seems to like here is Apple Juice in a juicebox.   A wee bit too much sugar.   After three weeks of 'NO' everytime we showed her a sippy.......

(Although admittedly, she is still pretty picky about it and her go to is still the apple juice box)

Hey, look everyone,  I got a cool Grampie to play with.  Stickers on Grampie is lots of fun!

Big Sissy is so much fun to play with too.  And look- A SWING!!!! She got in a SWING!!!

And some habits are hard to break.  It is sad that the girl can fold a mean towel but struggles to play with basic toys.   I went to fold some laundry and she literally got distressed when I tried to get her to go play instead of helping me.

So, I'll embrace it, I got myself a new laundry buddy.  Think she can teach the other two?

And yes she did fold all those towels in that stack. 

We also purchased her a little grocery cart to haul around all her 'treasures' (she always still holds on to her 'treasures')

Couldn't help but laugh when she came around the corner with this treasure.

Don't feel sorry for the dumb dog.  I'm 100% sure she LOVED it in there.  She made no effort to escape.  Spoiled pup.

Sisters are so much fun!!!

Drinking their juice together- and having snacks....

And how can you not laugh... I swear my girl is not Chinese at all.  She has refused pretty much all staple 'Chinese food' we've tried to give her (noodles, Chinese veggies, dumplings, rice)...  she gets positively giddy when we bust out the Italian.  Pizza, Pasta, Lasagna.  YUM!! Yup- I have an Italian China Doll.

She's expanding her words.  I think we got "eat", "more", "down", "shoes on", "shoes off", "potty", "walk", "all done", "all gone", "good girl" down in English.

I am also pretty sure she understands quite a bit more than that. 

She's growing & learning.

Each day, something new.  A new discovery.  A new 'happy'.   A new girl! 

Charlie Girl, you are gonna go far!!! 

P.S- this last week also brought her 4 shots (we are starting from scratch with her immunizations) and 14 vials of blood taken.  They ran one vein dry and had to go into the other one.  Poor thing.

P.P.S- ya' all can still bring me food.  Just saying.

P.P.P.S- Please understand also if when you come bringing food to me, that we ask you to not hug or kiss Charlie.  We are trying to establish attachment with Kurt & me first.  She doesn't know a mom or a dad.. only lots of ayi's (caregivers).  She still calls both Kurt and me Ayi.  We need to show her what mommy's and daddy's do.  Once we get there, you can hug up that girl all you want!  I promise! 

The First Few Days

Remember those first few days after you have a baby.  You don't really remember anything because you are in a twilight zone of daze.  Everything seems surreal & you wonder, am I really living this and surviving it?

Yhea, that's kinda where we are at now.

So my apologies for lack of any communication to everyone who's reached out.  I'm kinda at this point where I can't even remember if I showered or not.  So constructing cohesive responses is out of my ballpark currently.

Also, the question... how are you doing?  How are things going?  I'm not sure how many more fake smiles I can give.

We are in the trenches and it ain't pretty.

I'm going to write a book- after I get out of this daze called "The Real Truth About Adoption- all those feelings that EVERYONE feels but NO ONE talkes about when you adopt".   I know this because after wrestling many feelings, we have reached out to other families only to find- 'hey, we felt that too & hey, you know what... no one ever talks about it' .  They are valid and real feelings and you are not wrong feeling them.

Thank you.  That is what I need to hear to keep going.   That others felt this way.  Others survived.  And we all will too!

One baby step at a time.

So those first few days.  Let's get the ugly over with first....so we can end on a positive note (although how positive I don't know because she's in the midst of ANOTHER fit.  Number 1,999 of the day).

Ugly.  The jet lag.  Holy hell it's bad.  Nothing says welcome to an entire life change like not sleeping for anyone that traveled from China.   For 5 days straight.   We are still not regulated & it PHYSICALLY hurts to move, think & function.  

The fits.  Oh, believe me, I GET WHY she does it.  I KNOW.  She's terrified.  She's lost everything she knows and she can't communicate.  I'd fit too.  But the fit after screaming fit after screaming fit is SO HARD to deal with.   And there's NO WAY to communicate with her to deal.  Oh, and she rocks and hits herself because of the learned behaviors at that stupid effin' institution.   Oh, and she won't let me touch her in her fits or when she's upset.   It's pretty  much awesome for everyone involved.

The previous baby of the family.  Her transition to middle sister is not pretty.  Girl is jealous, resentful & sad... all while trying to bond with this new sister who doens't speak her language.  She's acting out, she's regressing behaviors, she's crying & she's becoming more anxious in school.  So much that we have the social worker involved to help us.   Last night was uber fun with our normal not so pretty 'time to go to bed' crying along with Sarah sobbing both at the same time.  Both needing me.  But yhea, I'm only one person.  Hard stuff.

Which leads me to sleeping.  (the very tiny little bit the three of us get).  She. Hates. It.  I'm sure it's because once again- she's terrified.  I get that.  But she won't let me comfort her when she's upset.  So how do I help?  We are finally (as of last night) to a point where she let me hold her while she fell asleep with small sobs instead of a full out crying, screaming episode that lasted forever.   And she wakes at night (jet lag? other? time will tell).   More crying, rocking herself, not letting me near her.  Did I mention I have two other kids who need me too?  The 2 hour bedtime routine isn't going to work when I fly solo at nights (which is most nights). 

Did I mention the tiredness?  Oh, I did.  OK.

So let's move on to the positive now.  Although it can be hard to see, it IS there.  She's moving along... and exploring a world she never knew existed.  New sights, new sounds, people who love her and focus on her.   It's all new to her.. and as my cousin Jen put it- it's neat to see becasue it's not like a baby (even though the actions ARE what a baby goes through) because she understands it more....

Like discovering a leaf......

Or playing with a big sister in the fort of our treehouse

(We're still working on going down the slide)

Or having a tea party with a sister & a cousin.

Learning what exists out in the world... and exploring it with her senses (she's very touch oriented, strokes, flicks & puts it up to her ear- probably to compesate for poor eyesight)...

A popsicle (she doesn't like cold so she didn't eat it).......

So cold!

Flicking the texture close to her ear... Becca looks on thinking 'what the hell?'

Discovering a new food she really likes (sliced cheese) while sharing with her big sis & a fat pug.

(After all, where there is food to be found.  There is always a fat pug close by).

Side note- she's doing FANTASTIC with the animals.  She has no issues with them at all.  And the few times she's reached out to pet them she's been extremely gentle.

Other big firsts:  She walked on grass, she stepped outside by herself (wont' do the stairs yet), she's mastering some baby sign for eat, more, drink, juice, down, up, bath.  She's picking up listening to English (not necessarily repeating it back but receptive language).  She understands 'shoes on, shoes off, dog, cat, walk, bath, baby'.   

She went on her first trip to target & outside of letting go of her socks to scan them (small fit), she did good.

She lights up with both her big sisters.  Her and Sarah are bath buddies and have a grand ole' time splashing away.    Sarah's trying to teach her how to play Animal Jam.

The world is hers to discover & she's mastering the courage to do it.  So many new sights and sounds and experiences.  After all, she has four years to make up. 

However, no matter what.  China will always be in her heart.  You know how I know.  Because of her fashionable footwear that is something that is only ever found on the streets of China.....

Her sister's dirty Justice socks (on upside down) with a pair of flip flops.  AWESOME, rockin' outfit girl!

And so this post must end.  Becasue it's time for that most favorite part of the day.  Bedtime.

Please say a prayer we make it past 2.  (or 12:30am in my case). 

Also, just saying.. if anyone wants to drop off some dinner for me.  I'm open to it.  :) Ha!

Over and out- NOT from China.  But rather, from the zombieland streets of Jetlagville, USA.

Home with a Huge Side of Jet Lag

Well, it's 2am here.   Second 2 am in a row.   Two nights home.  Go ahead and do the math.

No one's sleeping.

I'm getting yelled at for not updating this- So I'll quickly do an update.

I don't have the homecoming pictures- they are on mom's camera...and I think that's with her right now.

Our flight home was long- but ok.  She did very well considering the length of it...and her not really understanding what was going on.

Little sleep (maybe about 2 hours for her)...and none for us.   But we survived.  And that will go down in the book as something I don't have a desire to really do again..... (mostly because the 15 hours on the neverending plane ride!)

Charlie is getting her footing here.  She is most likely overwhelmed with the sheer amount of stuff her sister Sarah keeps pushing in her face.   But she's doing ok.

THe girls made us a welcome home sign and cupcakes.

Charlie found her groove exploring......

We opened a present from Aunt Glory- thank you Aunt Glory - it's beautiful.

Sarah and her took a bath together & Sarah showed her how to play in the tub.

Then we came down for some more exploring- things like the sign & the cat.

And that's about the extent of my pictures. 

When I say I'm tired- I mean it.  I'm tired.

Yet, so unable to sleep....... 

Things will get better when we get on a schedule.  Just wish I had faith in when that would be.  Seems indeterminedly long right now......

Hey, least I got some laundry done.  That felt good to do. 

Over and out- from the US. (but a US without any sleep!)