Tantrums, Pearls & An Island

So let me clarify- the first tantrum of the day- it was all mine.

I went there again & it was bad.  I checked out... and I'm not at all proud of it.

It was a super dooper mega bad morning for me.  I was in this bad place that I don't ever really want to go to again.

It's not my proudest moment- mom, wife, person- or otherwise.....  but I couldn't help it. 

Breakfast was a blur of emotion.  Skyped mom for some serious mom-therapy.  Broke down...and curled up in the bed with the covers over my head and had my tantrum.

Rock Star hubby took over.  He has been aaaamazing here!  We had to go get Charlie's TB test checked..and he just took her - without me asking.  Giving me a few hours to have my tantrum.  Take a bath.  Read my book...and recoup.

And I did recoup.  Let me just say this again.  Adoption is HARD!  Hardest thing I have ever done. Period.

This morning was not rainbows and unicorns - but this afternoon and evening is throwing some definite glimpses of color! 

So Kurt came back to the room to get me because we have 5 minutes till we went to the Pearl Market & Shaiman Island for some shopping.

My tantrum and subsequent try to recover left us woefully unprepared for the afternoon events in the fact that I just had zoned out too much to get my act together to grab enough money to get what I truely would have liked to get.   Oh well. 

Anyways, I got some hugs when I met up with the group.  A few more tears.  And my tantrum ended.

The prayers got me through.  Thank you.

So off we went to the Pearl Market....

That's our guide Richard in the red.  Notice how he's WITH US as he guides us... he's pretty much a rockstar too.  Really like Richard.  And he has a definate love for orphans and the job he does.

I really wanted to get Charlie a jade necklace in China.  I love jade much more than pearls.  And I wanted to get her a jade necklace with her zodiac sign.  That is what I wanted her special gift to be.  And so I accomplished that....

I also did purchase her a strand of pearls for her wedding day.   I have several at home my dad brought back for me but I wanted to give her the ones we got on her adoption trip. 

This is the lady stringing Charlie's pearls.

I also got some jade bead bracelets made for all three of my girls & my rockstar mom! 

From there we headed to the 'Island' (Shaiman Island).  This is the Island that the US Consulate (and all other foreign consulates) used to be located on.  It's history is that last century China was closed off to the world & only allowed foreigners on this Island- and would cross the bridge over to do business.   

It has a very European influance to it.....

It's only been the last few years that the US Consluate moved off the island- and subsequently- so did all the adoptions.  This used to be 'the hub' of adoptions- and anyone who adopted prior to probably 2010 has a lot of memories of this island. 

For locals- there are MANY who come for photo shoots- mostly brides & fashion models...

This is where we did our shopping too- but due to my poor planning, we lacked the funds to get a lot.  Thankfully I know several SUPER AWESOME chinese chics (talking about you Lisa & Shup) that head to China every year & can pick me up anything I decide we should have... also- we have a really cool Chinatown in Chicago.  So we'll be ok.

Sorry for those expecting souviners... um.. you arn't really getting any.  :)

I had enough for some stuff for Charlie & for my girls.  And that's about what we did.

Then we walked around- even though it was SO SO hot again.. taking in the Island.

The Polish Embassy is still hopping on the island and I tried to get a pic for you Magda but the Chinese guard outside tackled me almost.   No pictures- of Mao.  Or Polish Embassies.

This 'child' statue is famous in the adoption world.  Everyone poses their kid with it.  We thought she'd be terrified- but she rocked it- like the little stoic she is proving to be.   Such a brave girl.

She can tackle anything with a juice box and some rice cakes in hand! :)

I am cute.  And I am aware I have rice cake crumbs ALL OVER MY FACE.  

If you recall, the orphanage said her favorite thing to do is play outside.  Really?  Cuz stupid orphanage, I'm pretty sure she's never seen an plant.

By 3, we were done. Hot, sweaty and no money.  Time to go back to the hotel.

Oh, perhaps our regret for a purchase.

The little laser gun that sings the super annoying theme song to Pleasant Goat (which is HUGE here).  I'm not joking..the theme song is seriously annoying.   And she, of course, loves it!

She loved it so much that we came back to the hotel- and thanks to Lisa's super awesome instructions on the Chinese translation of Pleasant Goat on the Chinese You Tube- we got her some videos to watch.

Oh, but this was after she crashed out.  She won't let me hold her or touch her when she's upset or tried.  So I couldn't lay her on me or into me.... So this was nap. Looks comfy, no?

We decided to try the pool again. 

Hence you think I am lying about the fits?

I'm not.

This was a result of both the fact that I used 'splish splash' to refer to the pool & she knows that for the bath.  And was PISSED when I put on her swimsuit and not her neeked body in the tub.... and the fact that she didn't like Winnie the Pooh on her swimmer. 

But... we got to our pool

And she was happy....

We had a good swim.  And came up and took that splish slash.

And she even let me wash her without freaking out about doing it herself. 

Then I ordered some pizza from Oggies & it was AWESOME. 

And little miss loved it.

And she's been running around happy, laughing, smiling & playing.  See, the colors of that rainbow- coming out.

Right now she's making us play that ever so annoying Pleasant Goat toy so she can dance to it.

Tomorrow is a big day for us & this process.  It's the US Consulate appointment.  We have to leave super early (7:50am meet up) which means we'll miss our morning skype with the girls.  :(

But tomorrow is the appointment that allows her to be the US citizen when she lands.  Big day.

And so our day of tantrums & shopping is coming to a close.   Each step closer to home & closer to glimpses of the little girl that is our daughter.

What will tomorrow bring? (hopefully not another meltdown from mom!). :)

Safari World in 100 degrees

So another day is passing in China - and we are on the short list here...3.5 days till we get on that every so long flight home........ but nevertheless- HOME. 

Where I pretty much desperatly need to be right now.

We had an ok day.  The group therapy is still proving to save my sanity & I think I made it through the day without tears.  No wait- scratch that.. dinner I cried a bit.  (it was therapy cry- another adoptive mom letting me give voice to my feelings- again- THANK YOU JILL).

Morning we had another excellent breakfast.  I put chocolate on my waffles and it was about the best thing ever. 

Then we were to meet up at 9:30 with our group to travel to Safari World.  Or- since I"m trying to get to my happy place and relate everything back to Disney-  Animal Kindom.  In August.  With Christmas Breaks Crowds (cue Forbidden City last Sunday but not QUITE as crowded.  Maybe 700 million people vs 900 million).

A long bus ride we arrived.  It was oh. so. hot.  96 degrees with about 90% humidity.  HOT.

Our group at Safari World minus one family with a small baby who chose to forgo the outing (wise decision).

The things we saw at this park are things you would not see in the US.

Like freely roaming lemurs.

And totally the complete 'Safari World' touring outfit.

Clearly I missed the dress code policy.  In my tank top and 'slippers'!

Charlie showed about zero interest in anything.  This is the most we got out of her.  And this lasted about one nanosecond.  And I think she was staring at the fence.  Not the elephant.

You could ride the elephants.  And the coolest little 9 year old ever- Miller - who's here helping adopt his brother Gus- rode with his Dad.    The worker told his dad "oh, you larger than most people".

Miller (rocking an ever-so-cool Cubs hat, btw!) and his dad liked retelling that story!

From there, we followed the mass crowds in the mass heat to see these:

After all, when in China.. one must see an Panda, correct?

(Even if it means seeing one with pushing, shoving Chinese tourists who really (REALLY) don't believe in personal space- for one- nano-second).

So there you go.  Ever so active Chinese Pandas....

They were effin' hot too! I don't blame them one bit.

We also saw cute little baby ones...

Awww.

Oh, another appropriatly dressed Safari tourist....

From here we went to this really not so great 'lion show'.

It was a stadium of about half of China population.  In 100 degree heat.   And I'd like to say we were enjoying the show...BUT...

We were too busy watching the progression of pee.

Becasue some little girl had to go.  And you know what, when in China- even in a packed stadium- if you are little & you have to go.  You just pull your pants down and go.  And this girl did, directly behind us.  And the pee traveled it's way to us. 

This is what Charlie AND us thought of that shiz.......

I was pretty much D.O.N.E at this point.  Only we had like 3 more hours left.  Ugg.

Making friends with Essie....

No really- she was checking out Essie's juice box.

They have matching Walmart Chinese strollers.  (one pink, one red!)

Somewhere in there we were shoved along into Koala's.  They were cute, but mostly we were too hot to care.

About the only smile from the Safari World- when she got her meat on a stick.  It's all about the food.  And the girl likes her meat!

They have ths same 'safari trek' as Animal Kingdom.   On your way down...

They need a better English translator before printing up those signs.

Finally (oh, so finally) we got back on the bus (air!!) and she fell asleep for a wee bit. 

Back at the hotel we decided to all gather in 1/2 hour for dinner - local Mexican.  Yup.  We did.

So another big group went to Tekila (yes, spelled that way) for a VERY good dinner.  More good therapy. 

Little Miss had a meltdown.  I might have cried a bit.  But then Essie started laughing & that made Charlie laugh.  And she turned around. 

We went back to the hotel to try out the pool. 

Little Miss all ready for her first swim!

She did really good & it was pretty cool watching her watch her hands and feet as they went through the water.

She clung to me but also splashed, giggled and laughed a bit.

We came back, changed, had the horrible screaming toothbrushing.... then the horrible screaming bed.

And I'm about done too.

Tomorrow is back to the medical to check her TB.  Then some shopping at Shamain Island. In a group again.

Thank GOD for this group!

Off to bed.

Guangzhou- 5 Star Luxury & Group Therapy

We safetly made it to the southeast city of Guangzhou, China.  

We picked up her little Chinese passport (with about the cutest little passport picture EVER) and headed to Beijing Int'l.  

Then the most awesomest thing ever happened at the gate.  Ready for it.  (It was SO not funny when it happened).  Charlie dropped her little princess between some seats.  I put my hand down to get it... and my arm got stuck- in between seats.  For like 10 minutes I was literally stuck.  There was some panic.  There was a lot of stares.   Somehow, 10 minutes later I got it out- but I have bruises up and down my arm and it's SORE.  Peeps, when I say it was stuck.  It was stuck.  And quite honestly- that was my worst fear right there- forever being chained to Beijing. 

Anyways-

She did pretty darn amazing for her first 3 hour flight.   She handled it WAY better than me.  Let me just put it this way.  The Chinese do not fly the same way as the Americans.

First off, Beijing people (I did learn that it DOES seem to be specific to Beijing area) make a sport out of the deep throat spit.  They muster all the strength they can get, get that spit all worked up & hawk it as far as it can go.  Wherever they may be.  I am pretty sure the best, loudest spit makes you a MAN (or woman).  It's HIGHLY irritating to those who don't really love everyone else's bodily fluid in their path.

And it's so incredibly awesome to be stuck on a plane with the person behind you doing it CONSTANTLY.   With the woman sitting next to you playing her IPAD movie on full volume without headphones. 

Oh, also- In Chinaland- airline passengers don't believe in say staying seated during take off, landing or taxing.  Also, when you are at the gate.  If you are in the way back of the plane.. it's best to run & push everyone out of your way to get to the front of the plane.  Regardless if the door is open or not.  Or if you are holding a 4 year old and 3 bags.  Just push me.  It's all good.

Btw...the man who did it personally to me- I hate you.  And when you stopped and paused ont he moving walkway to talk on your phone (why did you need to push your way past me at high speed to stop and take a call? Obviously not in a rush now?!), I made sure we moved our backpack to smack you on our way pass.  I kinda hope it hurt.

I will be fine if I never fly 'domestic' in China again.

But we made it to Guangzhou.  And to our new hotel...and you all, if you are considering adopting ever... find a kid in this province so you can stay here the entire time.  Why oh why could we not be stranded here for 9 days instead of Beijing?!

It's bloody fantastic.

Reception- that's a gold-guilded wall!

We had piano music playing in the lobby when we walked in.  They were playing "Winner Takes it All" from Mamma Mia.  Ah, familiarity.

Beautiful staircase in lobby...

Our room, it's a suite.  Huge.  Plush.  AMAZING.

Living room, foyer, and picture is being taken from 'office'.

Bedroom- also, notice the slim and trim me.  That's what 10 days in Beijing with a newly non-speaking Chinese kid (i.e- massive stress) does to me.  I bet you I lost between 5-10 pounds already.  So those struggling with diets- adopt.  (KIDDING)

Gigantic bathroom.  The tub there, has an automatic shade up and down.  Alos, it pipes in the TV so you can watch TV from the bath.  The shower is seperate and right next to bath- has one of those ceiling showers.   Seperate toilet area.   Marble design. 

Have I said it?  It's NICE.

And ya'll, breakfast.  THANK YOU GOD!!!  It knocked my socks off.  I had waffles with strawberry sauce (could have had chocolate), my choice of 6 types of juice, hot tea, egg mcmuffin... I even had a freakin' chocolate donut.  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!

And we walked in and were seated.. in the 'adoptive family section'- we walked in and saw about 10 other families.  I wanted to run up to them and hug them.  I almost did, really.

We met our agency group in the lobby to all head to medical.  8 families from Madison.  We all bonded fast  And it is a LIFESAVER (more on that in just a bit).

So we boarded a big bus and headed to the medical.

Here we waiting our turn for several of the 'stations'

Brandon and Sherry with their sweet baby.  We share hellos.  Also, there's Mickey again.  :)

It was here, that I found another mom from our agency... she looked at me.  She looked tired.  She must have known I looked tired.   She asked me how I was.  I told her it was rough.  She told me it was rough.

And before I knew it we were sharing THE SAME FEELINGS- of how much we are strugging, how much we miss our kids at home, how much this was the hardest thing we ever did, how much time we both spent in tears.  How much it's hard to do this when your baby is hurting and it doesn't feel like your kid yet.   There we were in the medical.  Crying.  And hugging.  Thank you Jill, you gave me SO MUCH today by validating that what we are feeling is normal and ok. 

We had to cycle through several 'rooms'.  First up- ENT.  She didnt like it.

Then the lady tried testing her vision by giving her a toy & taking it away.  Holy. Hell. Tantrum.  Right there in the medical.  Yowsa.

This is her being forced into me as we try to recover from the tantrum.

Then they had to measure her.  She didn't like that either.

Then a 'general' exam.  She did ok there.  Mostly because they didn't do anything too trying to her.

Then, the TB.  Ouch.  She actually did pretty good.

Also, oh, it's here I want to stop and say that within the Madison's 8 families, I found TWO that had adopted from Beijing (her orphanage) in prior adoptions.  This also gave me a world of insight into what to expect, the behaviors and the delays.

Beijing isn't a pretty place to be in an orphanage so I'm finding out.  It explains A LOT.  They kids coming out have very undeveloped skills- including language.   The hoarding, the bedtime, the fits- all so common based on survival skills.  These people come out with success stories & it gives me brief glimpses of hope that we will too.  It will just take a whole lot of work the next few months.

When we come home, please try to see her as a 2 year old and not a 4.  Because that's about where we are starting from.

After we all survived the medical, we boarded the bus again and our guides (we have two since there are 8 families here in our agency - Richard and his wife Alexa- both VERY good- both staying at the hotel with us) helped us navigate the fun that is Walmart in China.

First off, MAJOR success here.  Ready for it?  Ready????

Whoop, whoop- we got her in a cart.

Now, Walmart- China style.

Includes some grains...

Need some dried starfish?  Discount prices at Walmart on your dried starfish...

Not your fancy?  How about dried squid?

Allright, I don't want it either.  Let's move to the 'meat' department.

Choose your seafood.

Nicely wrapped up for you.  

But if you don't want crab.. there's always fresh turtle.  And by fresh.  I mean, fresh.

See the two trying to escape.  They are pleading- PLEASE DO NOT EAT ME FOR YOUR DINNER!!!!!  PLEASE!!

Anyways, on a much more pleasant trip than our first China Walmart- we managed to get some more snacks (since she's eating her way through ours at lighting speed), more water, more diet soda.  Staples of survival here in China.   Also some more milk and pull ups.  And a bus to take us back.

Success.

I'll admit, at nap- I broke down again.  This is really.  So. tough.   Kurt's being the strong one on this trip for sure (thank you!).  

And then evening happened & I had a turn around.  We met up with 4 of the 8 families for dinner. 

First big (HUGE) achievement.  She went in the stroller.  Yee Haw!

AND we managed a sit down dinner without a total and complete freak out.

AND we spent two hours at dinner bonding with families- getting to know their stories, sharing our fears and trials.  Having some beers...

Laughing.  Getting reassurance.  Getting support.  Oh my- does it go SO FAR...

Without a doubt I can see now why traveling with a group can be so incredibly beneficial. 

New friends...

She warmed up to the little boy in the front (in the skull shirt) Gus who is adorable.  And a ham.  And a sprinter!! :) 

I came back refreshed.  Feeling Ok.  For maybe the first day since we got her.   Feeling like I CAN do this (or at least survive the next 5 days).

It's a good feeling.  I'm so grateful.

Over and out.. from Guangzhou.  (pronounced 'Gong-Joe' in case you are wondering.. becasue it took me ALL YEAR to memorize that... I really wanted to pronounce it "Guang. Zhoo").

Oh, smiley girl at dinner.

In her super cute "Worth the Wait" tee-shirt from the Borla's.  Tonight MAY have felt like the first time that was true.

'Night.

B- have an AWESOME first cheerleading football game.  I promise to be at the next one! :) Love you girls!!!!  5 days till I can hug you.  I'm counting every second!